Time marches on and kids grow. But it becomes no easier to find bathroom time. A quick shower is no issue these days. But forget about a relaxing bath or those times you just need a moment to get everything out. Poop. I'm talking about poop.
The moment you sit to poop something terrible is going happen. If you are lucky, there will be a knock on the door and endless questions about things that are really urgent to a third grader. You think it could have waited ten minutes, but they really need to know right now if you washed their orange shirt for anti-bullying day tomorrow.
If you are not lucky. there is a crash and a scream followed by that horrible moment of silence. You can picture it - their little face turning red as they suck in air, the moment of quiet before the hysterical crying starts. Now you've got to shake and wipe like you've never shaked and wiped before.
It's even worse for my husband. Ladies you know the drill. It takes them longer than us. Maybe it's the hot wings, but I think it has more to do with the games on his smart phone. I'll be doing homework with one child while trying to make dinner. You know the Witching Hour. Children two and three will pick that very moment to start arguing about who can chew the loudest. You tell them to stop this silliness from the kitchen.
But they are smart. They know you have your hands full and are not going to leave dinner to burn while you walk into the family room to take care of the issue properly. So now they are still arguing, just in heated whispers. You know this is about to escalate, and you know your husband is somewhere in the house. You can't figure out why he hasn't heard this commotion and come to your aid. So you start thinking bad thoughts and then hollering his name.
See husbands have it worse. They have the number of kids +1 bugging them in bathroom. Then they have to come out to pissed off wife and any hopes they had of evening romance are permanently dead.
I know what you are thinking. You'll be a guest in my home. You have poo-pourrii in your purse. You've got this covered. Maybe, Maybe not. Just know you've been warned. It is not safe to poop in this house.