Last week I decided that I needed to step up my exercise game if I want to get rid of my bleg. You know that’s when your butt starts to fall into your leg. First, I had to get dressed. My yoga pants did not fit. That’s right, those super stretchy, comfy pants did not fit me. I finally found a pair that did not turn transparent when stretched across by butt and headed for the door.
Not so fast. Where is that membership card? I looked in my purse, in my wallet, in my old purse, in my old wallet, in my nightstand, in my gym bag and in my car. I gave up and decided to pay the $2 for a replacement card.
By the time I got to the gym, I missed my Zumba class. I love Zumba. I can take it easy in the back row when I get tired. I laugh a lot, mostly at myself tripping over my own feet, but still, laughing is good. My choices were Tai Chi for arthritis and Body Pump. I peeked in at Tai Chi, a group of frail looking women were gathered in a circle doing toe taps to warm up. Body Pump it is.
You need a lot of equipment to do Body Pump. You need a step – like for step aerobics. You need a mat for planks, pushups and sit ups. Then you need a pole, two things that kinda look like binder clips and a variety of weights. The weights slip down over the pole and you use the binder clip thingys to hold them in place. You end up with a very masculine looking weight bar.
There’s no hiding in the back for late students. So I gathered my tools and set up smack dab in the middle of the room directly in front of the teacher. It started okay. Nice loud music to get “pumped” up. We did some stretches and a little bit of a warm up. Then we did some squats and lunges. She told us to put our heavy weights on and we did some dead lifts. I did them wrong. That poor lady tried really hard to show me what to do. I still don’t know how to do a dead lift. She gave up and told us to switch to our light weights for arms. I took the heavy one off and slid the light one on and then flipped the pole around to do the other side. Forgot the darn clippy thing!
The weight hit the floor with a bang and rolled across the room with me chasing along behind it. I was collecting dirty looks like they were worth money. It rolled directly into the shin of a tall blond woman who looked like that Russian in Rocky 5. She took one look at me and tossed her weight bar aside. She used me as her bar bell to finish out the class! The teacher and other women must have been afraid to cross her, because they just kept on keeping on. They didn’t even pause the darn music!
Just Kidding! It won’t be that bad. Get thee to the gym!!!!!